Even if I had kid sizes you’re 70 years too old for a fuckin’ kid’s meal

What the fuck is with today? They’re hot or they’re fuckin’ idiots.

Bitch our sides aren’t nasty, that fat hangin’ over your belt’s nasty.

Even if I had kid sizes you’re 70 years too old for a fuckin’ kid’s meal.

Seriously bitch, you gotta see the coleslaw before you buy it?

I think I’d be unhappy being you too.

Yes I got the water you’ve been waving around.

Dumb dike.

Me: It comes with beans, coleslaw, and potato salad.
Customer: I’ll take double beans.

Me: Good afternoon sir.
Customer: You sure can.

Dumb fuck of the day:
Customer: You got BBQ sauce right? Okay good.
Me: Yes.
Customer: So you have BBQ sandwiches right?

 

 

Get off your fuckin’ phones

Dumb bitch.

Well someone will probably love you for your tits.

How the fuck do you not understand sliced meat vs chopped meat?

Dumb cunts get off your fuckin’ phones.

That guy had so much cologne on I had to spit.

You’re all stupid fucks.

I hate receding chins.

All white people in suits look alike.

Yeah show that gut off.

I fuckin’ hate talkin’ to people chewin’ gum.

 

I don’t make this shit up.

If you spontaneously burst into flames and I was drinking a cup of water, I wouldn’t put you out.

“I didn’t want that much ice, but it’s okay.” I’m sorry you random prick of a customer. Was I suppose to know your every whim?

Oh I’m sorry I must have misunderstood when I asked you if that was all, and you said yes, I made the mistake of assuming you were done ordering.

Dude you’re a grown man and you’re throwing a fit. What do you want me to do, give you a fuckin’ juice box?

“Do you have Blue Moon?” No, but I’d cut my dick off before asking another man that question.

What do you do when your wife has a kid and turns into a cross between an oompa loompa and a beach ball?

Why the hell do y’all always look at the display after I tell you the total? I don’t make this shit up.

“I’m not used to a world without coke.” I bet that’s what Whitney thought.

There’s two billion people in China. If everyone takes as long to order there as here, time would end before y’all get food.

What bitch, can’t afford two $9.69 sandwiches to stuff your fat fuckin’ face?

 

Fuck off with the exact change.

If  your kids are that finicky let them go hungry a couple of days.

I’m not responsible for you not getting your food before your flight boards.

It’s the day of the bat nose bitches.

Dammit to fuck. I broke my big toe.

Bitch if I had it, I’d sell it to you.

Fuck off with the exact change.

Dude’s smart enough to be an Apple consultant, but not smart enough to order a combo.

You sit and watch someone pour sauce on your food, then you decide you don’t want sauce?

Do I personally have a napkin for you? No. Go hunting. Go find one. Fuck off.

You got so much eye makeup on you look like a raccoon. But when I look at the rest of you, bestiality might not be so bad.

 

Wow dude, for a second I thought you were a feminazi.

Wow dude, for a second I thought you were a feminazi.

Me: We have regular, sour cream and onion, and BBQ chips.
Customer: Can I have jalapeno?

Bitch’s name is really Mitzi. You want your kid to grow up to be a house cat?

Just because you’re in a wheelchair doesn’t really give you the right to be a dick.

I only told you have a great day because I have to. I really wish you bad luck and an equally bad day.

I just watched a strange, little midget man drop fries on the floor of the airport, pick them up, and eat them.

Oh fuckin’ hell. You’ve got to be kidding me. You can get multiple things on a combination platter? It’s fuckin’ amazing.

If the person makes the food in front of you, then is there a purpose to asking how long it takes? The answer is it takes as long as you to shut your mouth, give me your money, and get a fuckin’ sandwich.

If you’re a picky bitch who needs everything changed on your order, go home, make it there, and don’t bother me.

You’re a flight attendant. Your whole life’s a tax write off. Don’t tell me you’re poor bitch, I’m poor.

 

I bet that third chin makes you unhappy

If you got two saggy, half empty water balloon titties, don’t show them saggy sacks off.

Your dress jacket has lace on it. I don’t think you got where you are with business savvy.

Fuckin’ feminazi, go man hate somewhere else. I would limit my exposure to your man hatin’ ugly face, but you chose to order from me. Go the fuck away. I hope you run outta batteries.

“Do I pay here?” If you pay the man behind the registered filled with money, who’s job it is to sell you things, then yes, you pay here.

Eat another diet pill you strung out bitch.

I bet that third chin makes you unhappy.

Bitch you know 3oz of meat ain’t fillin’ your fat ass up.

Who would make a kid with you?

Sometimes I wish I was one of these guys that dates based on personality.

 

You need to shove that food into your fat face just the way it is

What the fuck is up with these ties? That one was fuckin’ quilted.

Customer: What’s on a potato?
Me: Chopped brisket, butter, sour cream, cheese, BBQ sauce.
Customer: Okay. I don’t want onions or chives.

How you gonna be a grown ass man walking around with your shoes untied?

I just told that midget the straws are on the top shelf.

Tell your cashier everything you want. See if you don’t tell me anything, and my cook makes a standard meal, you need to shove that food into your fat face just the way it is.

Bitch gain some weight. You need more than skin on that skull, Crypt Keeper bitch.

Hell yeah. That rare moment when the man and the lesbian agree that ass isn’t too bad with that thong hangin’ out.

Customer: So there seems to be a picture of some sort of platter with brisket and sausage. What’s that called?
Me: A brisket and sausage platter.

 

 

Either you’re willing to pay or you’re not

For a second I thought that was his mom. Now it’s just dirty.

“Will you wrap this? It’s too hard to eat on a plane.”

Yea yea, pork’s bad religion, all that shit. I eat it so why would I care if you don’t.

That dude’s hair looked like it was pulling a Something About Mary.

The rarest and most prized customer of them all, the one that believes in a 25% gratuity on every purchase.

The human genome should have given up on everyone flying today.

Why would anyone willing have Mr Zorg’s hair from The Fifth Element?

What man admits a sandwich is too much for him to handle?

“I want a cheese quesadilla, light cheese.”

Either you’re willing to pay or you’re not.

 

If someone told you you’re special, they lied.

Damn it’s got to suck getting that fat and gaining no tits.

There’s only two kinds of people: those that will tell you there’s shit on your face, and those that are fine with shit on your face.

Who would do business with a suit that looks like he’s going to a middle school dance?

I don’t care if it’s too much food for you.

Bitch if someone told you you’re special, they lied.

Fuck all of you. Fuck you in your stupid asses.

Weird ass bitch. You should ride the short bus not an airplane.

Fuckin’ a. How you y’all breathe without fucking it up?

Stop pinching the zits on your tits. See you’re already busted. Sporting some tiny scarred up pimple titties is just gonna set you back in the world.

Customer: Turkey sandwich.
Me: No turkey.
Customer: What’s that?
Me: I don’t have any turkey.
Customer: Okay, so no turkey?

 

Yes bitch you have to pay.

I bet those frown lines come from being a fat cow in a moo moo.

You should be sorry you slow cunt.

Yes bitch you have to pay.

It’s gotta suck being skinny with jowls.

“I’m just so thirsty but all your water’s warm.”

A pimp once told me real pimps don’t use change.

I believe talking with your mouth full is the same as talking with gum in your mouth.

Damn chick, life kicked the shit out of you.

Customer: I want a combo.
Me: What drink?
Customer: All you have is pop? I don’t want pop.

For fucks sake, I’m sorry there’s not a straw and napkin neon sign pointing you dumb fucks in the right direction.